On Marriage: Keeping It Real

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In my practice as a couples’ counselor for premarital and married couples, I often encounter the myth that marriage should always feel like an exciting, bliss-filled love-fest with your best friend and soul mate. If, god forbid, you find yourselves grating on each other’s nerves, or fighting a lot for … Continue reading

To Empathize or Not to Empathize? That is the Question!

Earlier this week I spoke with a parishioner who informed me that she would no longer attend the support group conducted at the church.  She told me that the group did not really provide the forum for the discussion of her current need.  She boldly said, “I need a man!” … Continue reading

The “Pause” of Love

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Recently I saw the movie “Selma.”  The movie heralded the life of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. during the initial phase of racial desegregation in the United States.  In an attempt to ruin Dr. King’s integrity, the movie depicted a scene in which Mrs. King had received a tape recording with … Continue reading

How to Use Conflict to Connect and Grow in Instead of Wound

As soon as my couples get serious about using conflict to grow rather than to wound or make the other “wrong,” things change quickly and dramatically. In the attached article (click link below), Brian Gersho writes, “If you were to witness a healthy couple disagreeing on an issue, it would … Continue reading

The Problem with Relationship Advice

The Internet is a wealth of information. You can get medical advice, relationship advice, learn how to cook and really find anything you need. Some of the most popular viral articles these days are ones on relationship advice. As an Imago relationship therapist I can’t help but click on an … Continue reading

Can I Live Without Negativity in My Marriage?

A current focus in the work of Haville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt, the co-creators of Imago Relationship Therapy, is uprooting negativity from marital interaction. Hendrix defines negativity as “any thought, word, or deed that tells a partner: ‘You’re not okay when you think what you think or act the … Continue reading

What Has Love Got to Do with It???

What Has Love got to do with it???             So what do we really know about the benefits of marriage, love and/or a committed relationship? Where are the arguments for a stable relationship? One argument that we might not think about too often is better health. Not surprisingly, there are … Continue reading

Kim Kardashian, narcissism, and weddings

I recently read an article on CNN called ‘Narcissists want weddings, not marriage.’ The article discusses the hoopla around the Kim Kardashian/Kris Humphries marriage (and now impending divorce) and how it relates to narcissism. Since Kim Kardashian’s announcement of a divorce after 72 days of marriage, I have read plenty … Continue reading

  • Food for Thought

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